Depression and Suicide - My Story
Depression and Suicide - My Story
Yeah, I guess you could say I know about depression. My Daddy was one of the most wonderful men you would ever want to meet. Handsome, winsome, always laughing, hard working and public servant. Yet he committed suicide 10 years ago. He had battled with depression and anxiety for years. Even in the weeks and months before he ended his life, I remember walking into the living room in Texico, New Mexico and finding my sweet husband praying with Daddy. He would make visits to the emergency room for it, go to the altar at church to be anointed and prayed for. He was really trying hard to win his battle, but there was too much against him, I guess.
When I was very young, my aunt Opal on Daddy's side had also committed suicide. A devout Christian and a career school teacher, everyone including me loved my aunt. She lived here in Clovis. Then, when I was still fairly young, my Dad's best friend ended his life here in Clovis as well. John was so much like Daddy. So handsome, so kind and gentle and so very funny to be around. Next was my uncle Durb. Uncle Durb and Daddy were so much alike and we loved meeting him and his California family in Tombstone, Arizona just to laugh and swim on Labor Day weekends. We knew he had been in a battle with depression for some years. Then my cousin . . . my sweet cousin. We really thought he was better and that one hit me hard. It hit us all hard. It's still hard to talk about or even understand.
For Dad there were so many cards stacked against him beginning with what could be a familial bent to chemical imbalance. Toward the end Mom told us he was having increasing flashbacks to the war. He was always proud of his service in the Navy and his Navy buddies were his lifelong friends. Then he faced one setback after another in farming until I guess it was all just too much for him.
For me I don't know when it really started. I mean life is hard even for the most blessed and nurtured child. I can remember the days when it was safe to be left in the car when mom went inside and looking at the grocery store outside wall for eternity and thinking "Well, if this is my life, I don't like it much". In college, I contracted mono and I really had no idea it was the virus and not my own lack of discipline to rise above it that took a toll. Was I depressed then? Pretty much, yeah. I would say so. I had the most wonderful opportunity sitting right outside my dorm room and couldn't seem to get out there for the better part of a semester. The paradox is that I've also been one of the most joyful people. On the balance I would say I've been an excessively joyful person in my lifetime, but that's another story. This is my story about depression.
When Sarah was very small I remember going to church with Tim and I had just started taking Prozac. My doctor had many of the ailments I had and thought this would help. The preacher talked about prescriptions not being the answer that day, and Tim gave me a little nudge. I knew he was right and never took any more Prozac. They were starting a school of theology class for 3 credit hours that afternoon with a live teacher and I told Tim I was going. The class was about early church history. The professor was so animated over the next couple of days recounting the stories of early Christians being tortured and martyred. You would think that for a depressed woman this would be the breaking point. But something miraculous happened in those days. It was like a light went on and what I was hearing was about eternal glory that was shining on the faces of those early church martyrs. It was a glory of something worth dying for. It was surpassing glory and it captured my imagination completely. Since that day, I have been on a quest to live and if necessary even to die like that. Depression just isn't part of the picture anymore, because of the revelation of love that keeps unfolding day after day. He gave His life for me so I can live my life for and WITH Him. *
I hope my story helps. Pastor told us Sunday to tell our story, then we watched "To Save A Life" last night. Pretty clear what I needed to do. If I can ever help anyone, my husband and I have certifications in biblical counseling plus I know some of other great counselors too. Getting adequate nutrition and exercise is vital as well. Just in case, though here is the National Suicide Prevention Hotline phone number: 1-800-273-8255 or the National Suicide Hotline: 1-800-448-1833.
*Matthew 28:19-20 (New International Version)
19Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 20and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."
John 14
Jesus Comforts His Disciples
1"Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. 2In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. 3And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. 4You know the way to the place where I am going."
John 10:10 (New American Standard Bible)
10"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly.
Romans 8:32 (New American Standard Bible)
32He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him over for us all, how will He not also with Him freely give us all things?
1 Corinthians 2:9 (New American Standard Bible)
9but just as it is written, "THINGS WHICH EYE HAS NOT SEEN AND EAR HAS NOT HEARD, AND which HAVE NOT ENTERED THE HEART OF MAN, ALL THAT GOD HAS PREPARED FOR THOSE WHO LOVE HIM."
John 15:13 (New American Standard Bible)
13"Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends.
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